I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
