I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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