you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
