Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
