margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
