This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
