You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
