My friends, they love my intelligence
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
