I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
