end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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