So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
