no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
