The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I need a burrito and a hug.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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