I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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