I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
