I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
