i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I AM VODKA MAN
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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