so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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