I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
