You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
