We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
