i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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