It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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