My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
