Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
