we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
