There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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