my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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