A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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