I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
