tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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