you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
