so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
