you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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