I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
