"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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