its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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