You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
