she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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