For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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