i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
