I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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