Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
