After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
