no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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