she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
