Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize