just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
