remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
