Ketchup is God's man juice
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
