My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
