either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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