that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
