we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
