Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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