And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
