Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
