Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
