I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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