There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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