at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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