Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
