I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
