Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
