Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
