last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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