There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
