he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
